Tag Archives: Bill Schmalfeldt

Footnotes in Legal History

John Hoge’s latest filing in the Hoge v. Kimberlin et al, suit is nominally the Plaintiff’s Opposition to the Kimberlin Defendents’ Motion For Sanctions, but we’ll just call it the definitive response to the Kimberlin lawfare.

For those just joining us…a paroled felon named Brett Kimberlin has objected when writers took note of his attempts to silence lawyer and blogger Aaron Walker. The first sentence of the above referenced document is the most brutal and true description of events:

Ironically, the Kimberlins are falsely accusing Mr. Hoge of crimes in an attempt to silence him while Mr. Hoge is suing them for falsely accusing him of crimes in their previous attempts to silence him.

Blogger, ‘comedy’ writer and occasional chronic disease sufferer Bill Schmalfeldt is also being sued by Hoge. 

As usual, folks read the Hoge court filings for the clarity, but stay for the footnotes:



As Hoge aptly demonstrates, Kimberlin and Schmalfeldt have sued quite a few people, and have been very unsuccessful, unless their true goal was to make themselves into laughingstocks.

They sue to try to stop others from exercising their First Amendment right to speak and write truthfully.  One wrote anal rape fantasies, the other blew a guy’s leg off with a homemade bomb. Both will be mere footnotes in legal history.

Team Kimberlin Strategies

There are some basic strategies in the TK Official Playbook™, including accuse the accuser, weaponize the family and blame the blogger for his commenters.

But the least effective strategy is “hide and seek.”  In Mat 2016, Brett Kimberlin hid from service — even telling a deputy sheriff “Good luck finding me…”  Details in this post.

We published this updated version of the popular book:

Wheres Brett.png

Bill Schmalfeldt has apparently also changed addresses, and has been slow to inform the court about his whereabouts. 

Details at Hogewash!

I do hope that Team Kimberlin learns that hiding is not a winning strategy. Like filing false police reports, doctoring documents and pretending to misunderstand the court procedures…this sort of thing only brings more trouble.

Put on your big boy pants…and participate in the process like a grownup. Anything less makes you look guilty.  


Team Knucklehead Forged Document of the Day

The latest in a series in which I doctor legal documents to say what they really mean, using the techniques of Team Kimberlin. The following is not an excerpt of a document recently published on Hogewash! but is in fact a work of fiction:


For context: John Hoge is suing Brett Kimberlin and Bill Schmalfeldt in part because they are knuckleheads, but also because they used social media and the courts to try to destroy John Hoge’s reputation. Hoge’s supposed offense was telling the truth about both these clowns.


Used without permission. If Hoge sues me, I’ll show up.

As far as Schmalfeldt’s advanced mostly cured Parkinson’s disease, he gets around just fine, and I’m sure it would be only a minor inconvenience to him to show up when he is sued.  

Most recent Hogewash post on the subject is here.

Theories on Schmalfeldt

I’ve ignored the very active Schmalfeldtian story this week. Bill Schmalfeldt has sent a document to John Hoge which is so silly that it was mocked quite effectively very easily by the Lickspittles and Zombies.
I puzzled this week about how to deal. Do I create another Johnny Speedway or Lester Klemper television script?


Scene: Courtroom.

John Hodge: Dr. Hadencough…

Dr, Hadencough: Please. Call me Turner.

John Hodge: Did Mr. Klemper give you any reason to believe he was faking his symptoms?

Dr. Hadencough: When I explained that he could avoid civil and legal punishment if he was declared incompetent, he urinated on himself. Eventually I was able to get him to understand that incontinent and incompetent are two different things.

John Hodge: …and what was his reaction?

Dr: Hadencough: He then told me that the urine dripping onto my office carpet was not his, but that a man named Krempler, who was also known as Grandy had driven a thousand miles across three states to pee on the front of Mr. Klemper’s sweatpants.


In the end, the last few weeks have been a part of a pattern of failure. After bragging that his internet footprint would grow, he gained and then lost a job at a very small radio station. 

He announced that John Hoge would NEVER get his address, then apparently relented, and gave over his address. Of course he also published his license plate, vin number of his car, and a photograph of himself standing without a cane or assistance.
The damage which occurred to his tires would be a major story, had Schmalfeldt avoided at least two errors: Showing the worn out, flattened tires, and demanding payment for all four tires. Both the picture and the demand reinforce Schmalfeldt’s reputation as a liar. I know. Today was a cloudless day in North Carolina, and it just reinforced the reputation of the sun as hot.

I’ve been toying with a way to understand this all, and I think I’m onto something.

Schmalfeldt as a Character in the Comic Books

If this was a Marvel comic book, Mr. Schmalfeldt would have fallen into a vat of some nasty chemical on page 3 of the origin story. He’d become disfigured and shunned, only to emerge as a super-motivated villain. Instead of seeking to do good, he’d devote himself to making other people’s lives as miserable as his own. When in the presence of the heroine, he would make semi-sexual comments. He would embrace the characteristics which defined his disfigurement.

Give the villains their due: Some are pretty motivated. In the case of Schmalfeldt, I don’t think a person can devote as much time making themselves look foolish, without some strong emotional commitment.  This is someone dedicated to whatever it is that we’re witnessing. There’s precious little evidence he was ever in the light, but has he gone to the dark side…deliberately acting in evil ways?

I’m not saying he actually is a super villain, or super anything…just that this metaphor actually makes more sense than the other theories. 

There are very few other theories which make sense.

Is he lacking in cognitive functioning? Posting evidence that his tires were worn out, then attempting to sell the vandalism theory seems pretty dim. So do a bunch of other things he’s done. If he really is mentally or brain-damaged, some of us are going to feel very badly when it turns out to be psychiatric or organic in cause. Well, maybe not some. A few of us, anyway. Maybe less than a few. No more than a couple. 

Performance Art

Is he involved in a multi-layered performance art? Is he Andy Kaufman, singing along with a record until we laugh or kick him off the stage? Is everything he has done — the stupid, the annoying and the disgusting — is all that a weird performance by someone trying to entertain through imbecility?   

Dumbf-ck Theory

Paul Krendler figures Schmalfeldt is just a dumbf-ck. This assumes an impressive level of stupid combined with jack-assery.  It’s a good theory, and I’d agree except for one thing: I have never seen such stupidity, jack-assery and over-the-top shamelessness.

If he’s a dumbf-ck, he’s the dumbf-ckiest ever. 






Go Fund My Efforts to Evade Service

Medical Update: Mr. Schmalfeldt is not suffering from cancer.

“I just ducked a bullet. I was tested for esophageal cancer today and came back with a clean bill of health. Although I first conceived of this adventure while waiting to see if I had a deadly illness (and happy to learn that I do not) I would still like to take this trip with the hope of showing everyone that even in this day and age, we are all Americans with more to unite us than to divide us.”

I am glad to hear that we are all Americans. Some of us are Americans who produce and serve…while others attach themselves barnacle-like to the hull of America, hoping to catch a free ride. 



Bill Schmalfeldt has a gofundme page to get others to pay for a road trip:

Whatever the medical testing over the next two weeks comes up with, I’ve decided I would like to create a video tribute to the country I love, the nation I served in the military and as a civil servant. 

Apparently he now thinks he is very sick. After decades of claiming an incurable disease, he might be really, no kidding sick now. He might be, but since he has amazing powers of healing heretofore unknown to human kind, I think he might be okay.

Honestly, if a disease is inside his body, I feel badly for the disease.

I would like to raise $15,000 to fund a 35-day trip to videotape all of the state capitols in the lower 48. Your donation would be used to get video of these historic buildings, cities, and — if I can wrangle it — interviews with state officials.

If they Google him, they won’t be interviewed.

Meanwhile, John Hoge has some plans to get Bill Schmalfeldt some important paperwork:

See more here at Hogewash!.



In general, I try to give Schmalfeldt some level of respect — by simply taking him seriously as a news subject. He has suggested some silly things in his day — that Hoge is KILLING HIM!!11!!,  or that HOGE had something to do with Shmalfeldt’s wife’s death, or that Paul Krendler is…well, lots of people.

But to suggest that complete strangers but gas, hotels and fast food so that Bill Schmalfeldt can create a diary of the country he loves…

While evading service in a civil suit…

Keeping his address secret even from the court…


Update. From 2013:


The bottom left corner is most interesting. 

This is not the itinerary of someone who was immobile in 2013 from a disease which never gets better. Or someone who will ask a court to allow him to appear by Skype because travel is too difficult.



Bill Schmalfeldt is Afraid of John Hoge Knowing His New Address

Bill Schmalfeldt is obligated to inform the court handling John Hoge’s lawsuit of any change of address. Here are Mr. Schmalfeldt’s own words on the subject:


There are reasons I am very reluctant to give my personal home address to WJJ Hoge III of Westminster, Maryland. They revolve around issues of personal security and safety based on the fact that each time I have revealed my home address, Hoge has promulgated that address to his network of slime-covered operatives who use the information to stalk me and endanger my life and safety.

Yeah, so it was not so long ago that Bill Schmalfeldt didn’t feel hesitant to publish my address, employer name and a picture of my house. [Remember, Tweets read bottom to top.]

That’s my house. That’s me.

My crime? I spoke critically of him. He couldn’t find anything really nasty that I’ve said and still can’t.

My response at the time, and is to this day…no.  

Posts about this are on Hogewash!, Thinkingmanszombie and BillySez.


Doxxing is Illegal?

h/t GodGraceandGuns (twitter) and Diane B (also  on twitter)

Apparently, the actions of cyber-troll Bill Schmalfeldt might have been illegal acts. While I hope he has developed a new hobby by now, it’s important to keep up with the law here.

Security Affairs:

Posting personal information publicly with the intent to shame, defame, harass or endanger is illegal. It places the doxed individual in a potentially dangerous situation. The federal law often utilized to address doxing is 18 U.S.C. § 2261A:

“Title 18, United States Code, Section 2261A is the federal stalking statute. Section

2261A(1) covers in-person stalking and Section 2261A(2) covers cyberstalking— stalking that occurs using Internet or telephones—as well as stalking that occurs using the mail. Section 2261(2), originally enacted as part of the Violence Against Women Act of 2005, has two main provisions—Subsections (A) and (B):

  • Both provisions require that the defendant act with the intent to kill, injure, harass, intimidate, or place under surveillance with intent to kill, injure, harass, or intimidate another person.
  • Both provisions also require the use of the mail, any interactive computer service or electronic communication service or electronic communication system of interstate commerce, or any other facility of interstate or foreign commerce. Usually, this element is met with the use of the Internet.

So, this might actually have been harassment: (a copy at The Other McCain)

“Now . . . you’re going to wind up being the Monica Lewinsky for Jeremy’s Bill Clinton unless you start telling the truth and start telling it quick. I’m done fucking around, and I am not going away. You’ve already had “the media’s” interest in this case explained to you. Now, do you wanna play dumb and lose your kids? Or do you wanna play smart and keep what you got? I am not making any threats. I am just trying to help you avoid a shit storm for some giggling fuck who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you. Do you really want to be dragged through the mud for THIS giggling shitwit. I’ll wait to hear from you. But I send what I have … EVERYTHING … to the Wisconsin Media tomorrow.”

Or that time my house was featured on someone’s twitter feed in an attempt to harass me into revealing someone’s actual identity. Pretty sure some financial information was part of the mix, too. The quote above is from 2011, and my personal doxxing was from just a couple of years ago.

All of this might be ancient history to the doxxer, but I figure this is a pattern of activity over a long time. 

I bring all this up, because there have been periods of quiet, with behind the scenes doxxing. It would be wise for anyone involved in commenting on the activities or lawsuit-related shenanigans of Bill Scmalfeldt be aware.

Bill Schmalfeldt has never used his doxxing to physically hurt some someone, but has threatened to take away kids through involvement of social service, and he has said he’d destroy business, and create false websites about people. He might have threatened to bring fire from the heavens and harness the power of lightning, but my memory is fading on that point.

He also claimed that the several Peace Orders against him were unnecessary because he could not travel, and did not own a car. That has turned out not to be true. 

On a side note, apparently faildoxxing might also be illegal, and Schmalfeldt’s experience in this area was very well described by Paul Krendler:

Thinking Man’s Zombie:

It was him, not me, who determined that Howard Earl was Jerry Fletcher was Chris Heather was Jeremy Kinsey was Robin Causey was Paul Krendler was Eric Schultz was Owain Pennilyn was John Hoge IV was Grace the San Francisco hairdresser was Ashterah was the Dread Pirate Zombie was Asherahresearch was Laura Ashley was Ashley Wilkes was Wilkes Chamberlain was Richard Chamberlain was Jason Bourne was Matt Damon was Damon Runyon was Ring Lardner was James Garner was Jim Rockford was Rocky Balboa was Snake Plissken.


Keep safe, everyone.