Oh No. I Can’t Even…

Caution, you are about to re-enter the

BiLLSHiT ZONE 600x602

Things in here are pretty toxic today, as you can see.

Billshit Meter

[sorry Dave, you’d better order another gross of these damn things]

So Our Favorite Oaf has now come up with an unbeatable legal theory to defeat the forthcoming “want of jurisdiction” motions.

landlords 01 600px

Now, let’s once again suspend disbelief for just a bit.  Put yourself in a landlord’s shoes.  Any landlord’s shoes, from anywhere.

A guy shows up responding to your advertisement of a rental.  He looks like… well, let’s just find a recent photo of him that he posted on the Internet…

Booby Bill adjusted rotated 600px

Yeah, that one’ll do fine.  So this guy shows up with his girlfriend, who has pink bubble-gum colored hair, and they ask to fill out a rental application.  And you, being a polite landlord and not wishing to give offense, provide him with one.  And so the application gets filled out and handed back to you and you say, “Thank you very much, I’ll review it and get back to you in a day or so.”

Now, you are not just a polite landlord- you are a cautious landlord.  You screen your tenants carefully, because the best way to avoid problem tenants is…


…not to let them become tenants in the first place.  And, any more, a really easy way to do that, along with calling a previous landlord or two and pulling a credit report, is to just Google the applicant’s name on the Internet.  So you do and pretty soon this1 pops up…

Billy Sez Did your daddy touch you inappropriately long 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez Grace you evil bitch 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez I admit to some anger 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez I once had sex 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez I wish you a long miserable 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez The smelly skank at the 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez This starts a tidal wave of 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez Way to fuck yourself up the 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez Your voice is muffled by the 614x900

…and this…

Billy Sez You're inciting unstable people_614x900

Now, at this point I’m sure you you’ve had enough.  You say to yourself,

Oh, that poor dear man.  Why, clearly2 he’s being attacked by a a cadre of right wing idiots…

Well, no.  Actually not.  What you really are thinking is


But you’re hooked.  You can’t stop yourself.  You have to look further.  And, shortly, you find that your no longer prospective tenant is all over the Internet, posting “comedy” about 10 or 11 year olds being manipulated into gay sexual acts by adults, filing documents with the court asserting that he is indigent, tweeting that he is judgment proof, is a friend and supporter of a terrorist, and has been the subject of numerous restraining orders issued in multiple states for things like harassment and stalking.

Do you even call this clown back and let him know that, err… the unit has already been rented but you just forgot to remember that when he and that nice lady friend stopped by?  Well, you are polite, so you do.  And he asks, “Uhh, did you happen to read anything about me on the Internet?”  And you respond that you might have seen something, maybe, possibly…  And then he starts shouting about “Lies!!” and “Zombies!!” and “Hoooooooooooooooooooooge!!!” and you, polite ’til the last, tell him to “Be well” and ring off.

Does that sound about right?  Yep.  Does that sound like it has anything to do in particular with South Carolina?  Nope.  Just reasonable landlords- anywhere- being reasonable.

Now, an Oaf would object, “Those landlords never would have seen those things if you terrible people hadn’t put them on the Internet,” disregarding, of course, that “us terrible people” never would have been able to do that if an Oaf hadn’t posted them first.


So let’s summarize and wrap up.  Billy Sez never could have if Bill hadn’t said first.  And out in public.  And as part of his outlaw badass “brand.”  As a public figure, it’s not for him to pick and choose what people think about what he says and otherwise posts.  And, regardless of what he thinks and no matter how hard he tries to police it, the Internet is, in fact, forever.

David Edgren

1 DISCLAIMER: These are images that incorporate a public domain image of and meme concerning William M. Schmalfeldt of Elkridge, Maryland St. Francis, Wisconsin Clinton, Iowa Cupboard-Under-the-Stairs, Pretendyland Myrtle Beach, South Carolina JUST IN: New address coming soon! They contain a completely accurate down to the punctuation quote of something Mr. Schmalfeldt published on twitter or elsewhere on the Internet, as cited at the bottom right of the image. For Mr. Schmalfeldt or anyone else who might want to pretend to get all wrought up over these accurate quotes being taken out of context, you should be reassured that we agree completely that the words are without reference or any particular meaning in the form that they are quoted in the image, and in no way relate to larger contexts that could be drawn by a reasonable person from the overall body of Mr. Schmalfeldt’s writing, such as, without limit, racism, misogyny, coprophilia, sexual exploitation of children and homophobia. The quotes are intended as pure parody and are used to as such to to illustrate or elaborate upon some point involving Mr. Schmalfeldt as a public figure. The quotes should not thus be taken to impute to Mr. Schmalfeldt, without limit, any agreement, disagreement, acceptance, rejection, happiness, unhappiness, concurrence, or nonconcurrence with or of any matter raised in the associated blog post. Oh, and no small furry cute animals were harmed, either. So there.
2 The use of the term “clearly” here is what is called in some circles a “tell.” There is a particular litigant known to readers of this blog who uses that word in and of itself as devastating legal argument, as in “The court is clearly justified to do this” immediately following a statement of the course of action that is urged. Its use is invariably following by much pointing and laughing.
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23 Responses to Oh No. I Can’t Even…

  1. Rain says:

    In my opinion I would say that was a brutal yet accurate description of what probably happened.
    Unfortunately for fat ass that won’t be the last Karma bus that rolls over him.

    Liked by 10 people

  2. Dianna says:

    Actually, no landlord I have ever dealt with in hyper-litigious California has ever even consented to discussing a denied application. So I am astonished that any landlord would make such a statement. It opens him up to so many legal perils.

    Phone, Stykkholmur, Iceland.

    Liked by 10 people

    • D. Edgren says:

      I would agree with that Dianna, except that we are dealing with Bill Schmalfeldt here, and he always tells the truth… oh, wait.

      Liked by 11 people

      • Yep. he’s just lying. Again. No landlord would admit to denying him tenancy based on internet scuttlebutt. Even if such a landlord were to, in violation of the site terms and conditions, use BeenVerified [just for a random example] to see if that fat creep or his be-wigged and goiter-necked boyfriend had any criminal convictions, that wouldn’t bring up blog posts, much less comments. In fact, I don’t see any comments to blog posts anywhere in the first few pages of google results.

        Liked by 7 people

      • JeffM says:

        Well, assuming anything ever gets to court (rolls eyes), the denying landlord is going to have to say exactly whose utterances caused him (or her) to say no. Then Diseased Willy shall have to prove that exactly those utterances were neither opinions nor truths. If so, then he shall have to determine whether those utterances recklessly disregarded the truth. If so, he shall have to prove what damages his reputation could have suffered. (Eyes rolling wildly by now.)

        Now this should be a lot of fun to watch given that Bumbling Bill has not yet managed as a plaintiff to get past a motion to dismiss. (Pro tip: try suing in the correct court.)

        Liked by 6 people

    • Boston Bob says:

      Ignoring BS for a moment, you better not leave Iceland without a real Icelandic hot dog. Also, grab some Noa Kropp. Basically chocolate covered Kix. Very worth it.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Toastrider says:

        What is a ‘real Icelandic hot dog’?

        Liked by 3 people

      • Boston Bob says:

        Huh, I can’t respond to Toastriders question. Icelandic hot dogs are made with usually a combo of lamb and pork, boiled and served with crispy onions and mustard. I haven’t had a real one in ages. It’s almost impossible to get them in the States. I have found a site that would ship right from Reykjavik, but the shipping cost would have made each one about $20. I checked with a guy that I know with that owns a butchers shop in a Scandinavian neighborhood and he can’t get them either.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. lorddewclaw says:

    Laughed my ASS off when I got to his moob selfie part of your post….

    Any well respected potential landlord would shit bricks coming across that nasty pic….

    Well done, counselor… I’ll drink a Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier in your honor while gazing at the Rhine.



    Liked by 7 people

  4. JeffM says:

    Mr. Edgren, you have outdone yourself. A masterpiece of mocking a public figure (whether for a limited purpose or not is up for grabs).

    Diseased Willy attempts to give podcasts, write books, and do journalism. He has received I can’t remember how many restraining orders and extensions thereto in addition to initiating quite a few lawsuits as well as currently under order to show up for a contempt of court hearing (where the judge seems a trifle miffed).

    As a public figure, he must not only prove falsity, but (wait for it) a reckless disregard for the truth.

    Liked by 9 people

  5. Dr_Mike says:

    Did somebody for get a tag, it’s National Italics Day, or, Dammit Kyle!

    Anyway, I suggest everybody click on those pictures. Each and every one of them. They are not nearly as high in Google as they should be. People who Google Bill Schmalfeldt should have multiple copies of that neckless wonder on the Images tab, waiting to cause them to vomit.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. agiledog says:

    David said: “As a public figure, it’s not for him to pick and choose what people think about what he says and otherwise posts. “. If Bill Schmalfeldt would actually understand this, more than 75% of his problems wouldn’t exist.

    Liked by 5 people

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