Statement by the President on the Passing of Fidel Castro – With Edits by Dave Alexander

At this time of Fidel Castro’s passing, we extend a hand of friendship to the Cuban people. Those who survived his brutal regime, anyway. We know that this moment fills Cubans – in Cuba and in the United States – with powerful emotions, recalling the countless ways in which Fidel Castro altered the course of individual lives, families, and of the Cuban nation.  We also know that Fidel’s thugs filled dissidents with lead, but let’s not dwell.  The torture, the killings, the forced migrations. They altered, and sometimes ended the lives of Cubans.  History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and world around him.   Because after decades of abusing his own people, only historians will really know if he was a good guy or not.  Ours is not to judge, but to capitulate.  Oh, and let’s remember he was not a singular figure.  He belongs with Stalin, Hitler, Mussolini and all the other murderous dictators who kill for power.


For nearly six decades, the relationship between the United States and Cuba was marked by discord and profound political disagreements. During my presidency, [hey, I didn’t mention me at all in the last paragraph!] we have worked hard to put the past behind us, pursuing a future in which the relationship between our two countries is defined not by our differences but by the many things that we share as neighbors and friends – bonds of family, culture, commerce, and common humanity.

We of course share so much culture as Castro’s Cuba was such a hellhole that a lot of people risked the sharks just to get to Florida, where they are successful citizens of the United States, while cousins back home on the island drive 1950’s cars held together by duct tape and coat hangers. This engagement includes the contributions of Cuban Americans, who have done so much for our country and who care deeply about their loved ones in Cuba, which as was said before, is an impoverished mess, thanks to my good friend, Fidel.

Today, we offer condolences to Fidel Castro’s family, and our thoughts and prayers are with the Cuban people…well, those who survived the purges and assassinations.  In the days ahead, they will recall the past and also look to the future. They will continue to look over their shoulders as well, since Fidel put his brother in charge, and he might be an even bigger jerk. As they do, the Cuban people must know that they have a friend and partner in the United States of America.

Ignore the fact that we sold them for a few coins and better trade relations.

This entry was posted in Stupid and Evil, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Statement by the President on the Passing of Fidel Castro – With Edits by Dave Alexander

  1. onwyrdsdream says:

    Trump replying to the news appropriately was pretty good, especially in comparison to Obama singing the praises of a socialist thung. In my case I would have just posted a “castro RIP” with a link to a youtube clip of the munchkins singing the wicked witch is dead. Maybe that’s why I’m not a politician.

    Liked by 1 person

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