I Was Looking Through Some Old Emails

And I came across a memo which purports to be a quality control document which apparently was shared between members of Team Kimberlin.  I happen to know that Team Kimberlin has known about the document, but has not refuted or debunked it, and as such it is provably true, as far as I know,  Allegedly.  The first part is here:


There were two number ones, and that alone makes me convinced that it is allegedly created by Team Kimberlin, as far as I know. The rest is here:

  1. Learn to ‘freeze time.’ If a judge once said something critical to John Hoge, but later decided in Hoge’s favor, focus on the comment.  If you visited a 24-hour mini clinic for an assault which did not happen, and they diagnose you for “a possible concussion,” the eventual diagnosis is no longer significant. Forevermore, you were hospitalized for a ‘possible concussion.’  Even if you were never admitted.  Hey, the ER is the hospital.  Being there is being hospitalized.
  2. If an individual cannot help you, but lets you know who can help you, in all documents from that moment on, they “told you to do something” or the “advised you to…”  This works in the above scenario of a mini clinic “telling you” to get to the emergency room.  If a security guard explained that he doesn’t actually arrest people, but the police station is down the block, all references to the event should say “…the security personnel told me to file assault and battery charges…”  
  3. Repeat similar accusations across all media. In a court appearance which will involve a printed transcript, repeat things about participants which were already proven false in a previous jurisdiction.  Nobody checks.
  4. Base your entire public persona on the notion that there is no Team Kimberlin, but that there is an active conspiracy against Team Kimberlin. Even if we drive to court appearances together, harass participants and spouses at each other’s court hearing and share documents, we are not affiliated. On the other hand, every comment on Hogewash!, BillySez, the Zombie thing or that other blog that nobody remembers…every word is written by an enemy of the cause.
  5. Consistency is not necessary. John Hoge and Stacy McCain are totally useless, mouth-breathing dolts, but next week they will be tools of a major conspiracy involving the Chamber of Commerce, the U.S. Post Office, and the Knights Templar.  
  6. On the subject of consistency. Try to remember if you are unable to do certain tasks before posting photographs of you performing those tasks.  I think you know who I mean.
  7. Additionally, some of you have been hesitant to mention that a certain individual is married to an immigrant, and that concern seems to be about offending the boss. Please do not let this stop you.  we’re vicious, not consistent.
  8. Whenever possible, scare the women.  Those of you with very little experience with women might want to go upstairs and ask mom how to do this.
  9. Remember, we are the victims.  Start every harassing action with the mental attitude described by this phrase: I will hit you first, because I am tired of being a victim. Team Kimberlin does not go on offense, we just defend ourselves from the truth with vigor.  Sometimes this means going after people first.
  10. Incompetance is a virtue in certain cases. The boss could easily use a computer to number his court exhibits.  He doesn’t, because he wishes to reinforce his lack of technical savvy.  He scribbles ‘Ex. A.” like a nine year old.  You think that’s an accident?  The same with the post office stuff.  He can easily claim ignorance of some things, because he has established his inability to do others.  Bill, this section is not for you.  You’re just fine in this area.

I’m publishing this without the headers, email addresses or any other identifying marks.  This is in keeping with the Schmalfeldt Newsriting Style Guide, 2nd. Edition, which states that ‘we don’t reveal sources.’  

We also don’t think first, plan ahead or consider how much we just defiled the pooch.

This entry was posted in Shutuppery, Stupid and Evil, SWATTing, Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to I Was Looking Through Some Old Emails

  1. Grace says:

    “8. Whenever possible, scare the women.”

    *pfft* #FAIL

    Liked by 5 people

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