Bill Schmalfeldt Tries to Get George Howell to “Flip” on Krendler

Background: A letter which Bill Schmalfeldt maintains is a forgery was somehow sent to John Hoge in January of 2015.  It was postmarked near Bill Schmalfeldt’s old address. Schmalfeldt maintains that someone mailed the letter to George Howell, who lives in Maryland, so that it could be mailed to Hoge with the appropriate postmark.  A recent Hogewash! story about this is here.  A Dave Alexander and Company story is here. — Dave

I’m not really into hiding my internet identity much. Two years or so ago, Bill Schmalfeldt put two and two together and came up with the correct answer for a change. Probably by clicking on a linked profile. Then, last year, I told Krendler that I lived in MD. Pretty obvious to anyone paying attention. The pilot of the Scootypuff of Derp (irVV) decided this implicated me in the vast right wing conspiracy to slime a nobody. Given that I have a family, stable employment, and a non-federally subsidized roof over my head, Shakes thinks I’m an easy target with info he wants. Captain Billy thinks I will be Queequeg and/or Ishmael in his quest to get Krendler (ironically, Bill is the white whale in this). He thinks this is how to convince someone to join his cause. — George Howell

Bill Schmalfedt recently sent me an email requesting that I cooperate in his search for the identity of Paul Krendler. Bold text is from his letter.  Let’s break it down:

George. This is a one time offer.

Or second. Or third. Or fourth. All depends on how you count, but it’s more than one. We did this last year. [And Bill tried this same strategy with me, also. — Dave]

The Cook County Sheriff’s Office IS INVESTIGATING the forgery of the letter that Hoge introduced into evidence saying that I contacted him.

Cook County? Illinois? Yeah, I passed through the area eight years ago. What’s the matter, Bill, no joy from Montgomery Co. MD, Howard Co. MD, or the US Postal Inspectors? Because this almost exact sentence has appeared with these other agencies at various points in time.

YOU ARE ON RECORD as volunteering to deliver that letter for Patrick Grady. There is no escaping any of that. It is true, and you know it.

Prove it.

It’s nice that you’re trying to read between the lines, but let’s work on understanding the text before the subtext.

Now, I really don’t want to put a fella who just transported a letter that he knew was forged from Germantown to Howard County just to drop it in a mailbox. So the question you need to be thinking about is, how do you help yourself?

Help myself? Help myself do what? Oh, avoid a LULZ injury? Don’t worry, I do some stretches before reading your blather.

If you don’t think this is being investigated, I invite you to contact the Cook County Sheriff’s Office department of investigations at 773-674-2276.

And ask for whom? With what case number?

Then, consider your options.

I bet he misses the one I’ll take…

I will not ask for criminal charges against you if you reveal the conversation you and Patrick Grady had on January 3-4, 2015. I will need copies of e-mails, which I will share with investigators.

He really doesn’t understand chain of custody, does he?

I also will not sue you in Federal Court for your participation in this enterprise. If you send the information that demonstrates you wish to wash your hands of this whole sordid mess, then you will have nothing to worry about.

What’s the tort? Where’s the proof?

1. Grady asked for one of his readers who lives within an hour of where I lived.

2. You volunteered.

3. Grady sent you an e-mail outlining the plan.

4. You agreed to participate in the conspiracy.

5. Grady mailed you the fabricated evidence.

6. You transported it to Howard County and mailed it to Hoge.

Only one of these statements could be construed as true. Or accurate.

Why should you do any jail time when you were just doing a favor for a friend?

Yes? Like the favor you did for your ‘most excellent friend’ by violating a seal on court documents?

But this is not going anywhere, George.

Holy shit, mark your calendars! Bill got something right. Of course, he meant a different interpretation of that text, but it can be interpreted as correct.

As the smallest cog in the machine, you would be well-served to share what you know.

Ok, ok, I give in. Here, for the world to see is what I know about the situation (archive it if you don’t trust it to stay around)…

Wait for it…


Bill, you’re a Munko Dancing DUMBFUCK with a peculiar fascination with the handparts hindparts of young boys and men.

Or, you can go down the tubes with the rest of them.

Like I said last year when approached, you don’t need my input. Piss up a rope.

Drop me a line.

How’s this one: take the cure. — George Howell

And a walk back in time with Dave:

Bill has not learned any new tricks since he tried the same stuff on me, in Feb. 2015.

And while we’re at it, a few names (since you were a member of the Zombie Inner Circle). Who is Krendler? Who is Howard Earl? Who is Grace? Who is Jill? And any other names you’d care to share.
Dave. I mean you no harm, and I know you are having financial difficulty. But, doggone it, a man has to protect himself and I’m trying to protect MY self from people who send horse shit. Do you know who did THAT?
See, Dave. You left a trail of “bread crumbs” as you say. Easy to follow. And far too much “sharing” about being a lickspittle.
Now I will decide what I am going to do and who I am going to do it to after the judge rules on my IFP motion.
You are hardly the worst apple in the barrel, but you are in the barrel. I am pretty sure you won’t be part of the lawsuit, because — for one thing — you’re in enough financial trouble.
This entry was posted in Free Speech, Shutuppery, Stupid and Evil, Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

63 Responses to Bill Schmalfeldt Tries to Get George Howell to “Flip” on Krendler

  1. Loren says:

    Tough guy Bill is so funny. He holds all the cards! Except he is holding cards for a kid’s go fish game.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Paul Krendler says:


    Should that be “hindparts?”

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Jeanette Victoria says:

    LOL Bill the Creeper DEMANDED that I tell him who Paul Krendler was. I hadn’t even heard of all these blogs about Bill until he decided to suck me into is delusion.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Ashterah says:

    O omg I’m dying here. DYING I TELL YOU!!!!


    Liked by 8 people

  5. gmhowell says:

    Bill Schmalfeldt– One note, played poorly, over and over again.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. Neal N. Bob says:

    Lolcow Billy’s gone full Munko. He hasn’t even had his lulzsuit welfare approved yet, and he’s threatening people with it, nevermind the fact that he’s yet to craft one that survived a Motion to Dismiss. And he lost in court to a toddler.

    Liked by 12 people

  7. Accipe remedium, Tremule! says:

    Liked by 7 people

  8. Paul Krendler says:

    Hey, George!

    Why did you edit the script I gave you?

    Liked by 5 people

    • gmhowell says:

      I’m tired of hiding the truth that Bill has a fascination with cub scout butts.

      On Fri, Aug 5, 2016 at 11:25 AM, Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog wrote:

      > Paul Krendler commented: “Hey, George! Why did you edit the script I gave > you?” >

      Liked by 7 people

  9. Neal N. Bob says:

    I’m sure that the Cook County heat will be thrilled to hear that Golden Showers Schmalfeldt is conducting their investigation for them.

    This is going to be fantastic.

    Liked by 8 people

    • Grace says:

      “I’m sure the Cook County heat will be thrilled to hear that Golden Showers Schmalfeldt is conducting their investigation for them.”

      I know, right?

      IF the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt actually did contact law enforcement with regards to Forged Lettergate, and Blob has actually been assured there is an ongoing investigation – why wouldn’t Private… um… I mean… Public Dick Schmalfeldt simply sit back and let them do their jobs?

      Seriously… if the Canticle Courts Columbo can connect the dots, and surmise all by his lonesome with all of his proof-y proof that FEDRUHL CRAHMS ELEVENTY!!1!!1! have been committed – surely the powers-that-be, who actually have years of professional experience and make a living doing as much, can get to the bottom of this Krendler Kaper sans the assistance of Milwaukee’s very own Kooky Kojak.

      Liked by 11 people

  10. Neal N. Bob says:

    We all know where this is going, right?

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Boston Bob says:

    George asked a great question that should be asked over and over: What Cook County investigator did he speak with, and what is the case number? Perhaps some of us on the outskirts of the lickspittle horde would like to flip on people we don’t know, about events we never witnessed, or more accurately, never happened.

    Liked by 10 people

  12. When I get home I’ll post the two emails bill sent me demanding that I tell him who emailed the poop, in return for which he would grant me immunity (!).

    Liked by 8 people

  13. one handle and stick to it says:

    Too f5cking funny. Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t seem to realize that, if he were REALLY holding all the cards, he wouldn’t NEED to yammer about it. (Most grownups pick up this tidbit as part of Poker 101.) So the fact DUMBF5CK Billy is yammering tells us he’s bluffing. Again.

    To which our collective reply is obvious (to everyone but DUMBF5CK Schmalfeldt): “You got the cards Billy? Then STFU and play ’em. We’ll wait–unlike **you**, WE have greater impulse-control faculties than a two-year-old.”

    Liked by 4 people

    • Russ says:

      I would suggest that an appropriate response (please pardon the vulgarity) would be along the lines of “take all your ‘evidence,’ roll it up into a tight little cylinder, and go fuck yourself.”

      That’s just me, though. Or maybe not.

      Liked by 3 people

  14. Minemyown says:

    Two points:
    1a. There is no investigation by the Cook County Sheriff’s Office, if their was they would have told bill to have no contract will the actors.
    1b. Bill is not authorized to make deals on behalf of the Cook County DA office.
    1c. If there is an investigation then that email could be considered as interfering with an official investigation.

    2. Bill is being sued for not following a court settlement agreement, so why would anyone believe he would stick to an email–with no witness–agreement?

    Liked by 8 people

  15. From Bill to me over the great Slovakian Horse Shit Caper:

    I just had a little flash on the screen that said “LibraryGryffon is following you.” But I don’t see you on my list of followers. If you are, let me know if I have you blocked and I will unblock you.

    Nancy, you and I have had our fun. But there’s no way you can stand by someone who put the entire community at risk by paying a company in Slovakia to send improperly packaged horse shit. The risk of tetanus is great, especially as I had an open scrape on my forehead at the time. Anyone who touched that package was at risk. Look up the possible hazards of horse manure and see for yourself.

    This is a class A federal misdemeanor, Nancy.
    18 U.S. Code § 1716 – Injurious articles as nonmailable

    The US Postal Service says you can mail manure if it is triple packaged. This was not. It has to be in a sift-proof container. Tupperware bowls are not certified sift-proof. The outer container has to have a biohazard label, and the package must be sent in a fiberboard or cardboard box, not a flimsy envelope. And the outer container must be marked “Exempt Animal Waste”.

    This package was none of the above, and therefore non-mailable, and therefore in violation of Federal Law.

    The nice people in Slovakia did not pick my name out of a phone book. Somebody, and I wager you know who it was, paid $16 in bitcoin to have this company send it. And look at the underlined part of the law. “Knowingly Causes to be Delivered by Mail.”

    You and I will never see eye to eye on most things. But I’m sure you will agree that if someone mailed YOU a bowl of wet, improperly packaged horseshit, you would want to find out who did it, right?

    I think you know who did it. You’ve said in the past that Chris Heather is not “Howard D. Earl.” If he is not, how do you know that? And who is Howard D. Earl? Someone committed a crime, m’lady. Do the right thing.

    Regards, and Merry Christmas

    followed a few hours later by:

    I wrote a very polite e-mail to you explaining your situation. Your logic is flawed, Nancy. Unless you can explain how you KNOW FOR A FACT that Howie isn’t Chris Heather without knowing who he actually is, you have quite a little conundrum facing you. Once more, I remind you that protecting a criminal means you are an accessory after the fact. If you know who Howie is and are keeping it secret because you hate me and I deserve having my entire family put at risk for the pathogens that can be found in wet horse shit, the Post Office deserves it for having the temerity to deliver my mail, we’re talking Federal time here, Nancy. And you’re walking right into a courtroom with your eyes open because I will make sure that everyone who assisted in hiding this scumbag’s identity pays for it.

    You seem like a decent enough person in real life. Don’t let Howie pull you down with him.

    Just do me a favor if you can find it in yourself… how do you know for a fact that Howie is NOT Chris Heather? Because he TOLD you?

    Set aside the hate for just a moment and think of how you’d feel if this had been done to you. And if you know who did it, but aren’t saying, that is a crime and you will pay for it.

    This is different than spamming or stalking or sending threatening e-mails, all of which the cops just sniffed at telling me “get off the Internet,” Nancy.

    This time it’s something tangible. Someone paid a company in Slovakia to send wet horse shit, improperly packaged, in violation of US Postal Laws and the US Code. This is a federal crime. This is something the cops can wrap their heads around and do something about. And, as you saw, I have provided them with leads.

    I’m afraid I’m going to have to add your name to that list of leads, Nancy, unless you are honest with me. You can be honest with me, or you can be honest with the postal investigators when they get around to you.

    If you’re honest with me, it doesn’t make the local news in Groton. If you’re visited by postal inspectors, that’s the sort of thing that DOES make the news, Nancy.

    Think about your options. Do the right thing.

    Three months later I got this:

    Dear Ms. Gilly:

    You are hereby on notice that any further defamatory statements made by you about me on either Hoge’s blog or Krendler’s blog or any other online venue will be litigated under a Diversity Question in the US District Court of Maryland in Baltimore.

    When you have your meeting with your lawyers, make sure you take along a portfolio of all the horrible things you’ve said about me, by name, over time. And ask these lawyers if they think I don’t have a rock-solid case of defamation per-se against you.

    I dropped my previous lawsuit naming you as a defendant at the behest of my wife. You are participating in blog commentary in which her terminal illness is being openly mocked.

    I will also use this occasion to remind you that when I published that picture of your daughter, she was not identified, her face was obscured, and I made no accusations. Asking a question is not an accusation. But if you want to play this out in a courtroom, Ms. Gilly, we can do that. I am sure you will have a perfectly good explanation for what appears to be bruises left by an adult hand grabbing the child tightly by the biceps.

    Now, I hope we have an understanding that you will henceforth refrain from defamatory, untrue comments about me. I hope you are at least smart enough to realize I am dead serious.

    Take care and “be well.”

    William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.

    For those who didn’t see it, his idea of an obscured face was a fuschia bar barely thick enough to cover her eyes. If you had ever met my daughter, at any time in her life, you would easily identify her from that photo.

    He also felt the need to “obscure” the face of the guinea pig she was holding. I’m sure that Mr. Nibbles appreciates the thought from that great big hayfield in the sky where guinea pigs go in the afterlife, a place he had been for several years by the time Bill was worried about piggie sensibilities.

    Bill had so better hope that I never have lots of discretionary cash because one of my deepest desires is, while staying completely within the bounds of the law, to make his life hell. Of course, if he would just crawl under a rock (so to speak) and get the heck off the internet, or at least leave John Hoge, Patrick Grady, Ash, George, and all the other “Lickspittles” alone, that desire would probably wane pretty fast.

    Liked by 10 people

  16. agiledog says:

    Since we’re posting “Bill’s Greatest email Hits”, here’s one of the favorites he sent to me:

    You can clear yourself of a potentially expensive copyright infringement suit by answering the following question.

    We know “Krendler” had the photo before you filed your motion. He teased by publishing portions of it.

    I want to hold the responsible party at fault here. But someone is going to pay for publishing my wife’s photo on a website. It’s gonna be you, or it’s gonna be Hoge, or it’s gonna be Krendler.

    You can help yourself immensely by telling me when you sent the photo to Krendler, why you sent it, and what Krendler’s real name is.

    I am serious as a heart attack here, Scott. I apologize about the shot at your wife. But your making allegations about my lying about my income are actionable as libelous and defamatory. But I will let that all go for the information, and we can keep it between ourselves unless I need you to testify.

    You had no business sharing that photo with ANYONE. And Attorney Scott McEwen says putting it in a court document does NOT mean it can be published by anyone for whatever purpose.

    This is going to be a heap of trouble for someone Scott. Give me Krendler. Otherwise, my lawyer’s investigation team will take over from here.

    Do you want to lose your livelihood to protect Krendler? That is what it will come to. That is not a threat. That is a statement of fact. The photo is copyrighted and nobody has the right to publish it. Until I learn otherwise, I have to assume that it is you who did it.


    Did you feel threatened by that lawyer’s investigation team? You should be. I can’t describe the pain and suffering they put me through. No, really, I can’t describe it: I’m no good at fiction.

    Liked by 9 people

  17. JeffM says:

    As always, Witless Willie’s prose hides more than it reveals.

    He appears not to have got tetanus boosters, very rash. What is the issue with a cut on his forehead? Did he do a head plant into the Tupperware bowl? I thought he had his wife open the package?

    Speaking of which, what possible interest would Cook County have in a letter that was NOT made part of a case tried in Maryland that the complainant WON! I guess there is no crime in Cook County worth investigating!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. A Reader #1 says:

    LG, if he contacts you again, take those letters and his admission that he mailed himself the horse poop to the cops. What kind of man stalks and harasses an innocent women, accusing her of mailing him horse poop, when he admits that he mailed it to himself?

    “Thus, in April 2014, “Paul Krendler” was born. As Paul, I wrote disgusting, filthy works mocking things I had written on Patriot-Ombudsman. Because I was selling hatred, there was no shortage in buyers. Hoge decided to blow a significant portion of his blog earnings on filing a copyright infringement suit, a suit fraught with so many errors that it would have no chance of success. We’d both walk away unscathed. Paul Krendler and Hoge made money hand over fist. And mailing the horse poop? Stroke of genius.”

    Liked by 3 people

  19. crawford421 says:

    Doesn’t the Slovenian Horseshit Caper predate Bill’s fear-pee-fueled dash to Wisconsin?

    If so, doesn’t his dismissal with prejudice immunize all the defendants in that suit? OK, granted, if the postal inspectors actually started a criminal investigation, that’s different, but the odds of that are, well… they still need to catch the anthrax mailer…

    Liked by 2 people

  20. theman9876 says:

    We know that Bill has written MANY threatening emails to members of TFS over the past few years. I want to know if a single person has accepted the Cabin Boy’s offer of “the easy way out”?? Also, have any of the law enforcement agencies he insists is investigating these crimes, actually investigated? Has anyone Bill has accused of a crime been contacted regarding that crime?

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Bill needs to make a template of these threatening letters where he just has to change the names, since he sends the same thing out every couple months.

    And every couple months people point and laugh and mock .

    Liked by 4 people

  22. I’m glad everyone enjoyed those emails as much as I did after I got over the sick factor of having that name show up in my in-mail folder.

    I bet the guy(s) at the FBI had fun too when I forwarded them as part of a complaint. Sadly, nothing has come of it, but I imagine there is a file someplace with Bill’s name that will eventually be dragged out and acted upon, if only because it’s gotten too damn big.

    Liked by 3 people

  23. Pingback: I Got An Email | Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog

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