I Want to Be a Liberal


I want to be a liberal.

I want to believe that by raising the minimum wage, I can put more money in people’s pockets. I don’t need to chase down the actual source of that ‘more money.’

I want to be able to fire the college dean or university president if he says a bigoted thing. Or fails to condemn with vigor something which someone else said which is clearly bigoted. What’s bigoted? It changes, but I’ll let you know after I hear what you have to say.

I want to be able to decide which level of cultural appropriation is appropriate. Tacos are good. Tacos with hats. Not good. If it’s your birthday and they bring a sombrero to your table while singing a song about your birthday, you can’t put it on. You can’t appropriate culture, language or mannerisms from the downtrodden cultures. Even though those cultures are superior to the slave-owning European-American Anglo culture, comprende?

I want to decide my own gender. Also my cultural background. As long as I identify as something, that makes me righteous in my commitment to that identity. In my heart, I might be a tall, blonde Swede.

I want to be a liberal.1-2-hate-speech-free-speech

I want to control my body, totally. My reproductive organs and everything. I also want to control what things you are allowed to say from your mouth.

Differing opinions offend me. You don’t “get to” say those things around me. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom of hate speech. It says so in the constitution. About three inches above the word “musket.”

I wish to promote causes which actually hurt the things I’d like to help. I want wind farms all over the place, even though the big blades cut birds in half, and are inefficient. I think electric cars are morally and ecologically superior, though the batteries are a pollution nightmare.

I want to cut off debate at precisely the moment that my side wins. Roe v. Wade is the Law of the Land because the U.S. Supreme Court said so. Just like Dred Scott. Okay. Bad example. Both science and the law are settled as soon as I say so.

I want to be a liberal.

I want to bravely be in favor of something on which no one disagrees. I want to be against violence against children, or the clear-cutting of the entire rain forest, or the slaughter of elephants for tusks, or Chihuahuas for their pelts. If that last one is ‘a thing’ then I’m against it.

I want to raise awareness. I will walk or run all day to raise awareness of something which I could tell you about in five minutes. My actions, and those of thousands of others will raise awareness.

I want to have a job which defies quantification. I want to be a liaison in charge of coordinating. I want to be a catalyst for change. I would like my life’s work to be associated with qualitative terms.

I wish to prevent stigma. The worst thing you can do to a person is take notice of their life choices. That guy in the flowered strapless dress with visible lingerie underneath wants only to be left alone.

I want to be a liberal.

I will work against hate. Hate crimes are, however, remarkably rare. I may occasionally demonstrate a hate crime by hanging a noose, or scrawling words which I personally find offensive in a public space, so that people like me can maintain focus on the struggle.
Similarly, sometimes men are accused of terrible crimes, and then it is revealed that they are innocent. This is an excellent opportunity to consider the terrible nature of the crime. Even though it didn’t happen in those particular cases, these are still learning events.

It is never appropriate to use the story of a pretend victim in order to discuss false accusations. The narrative is always about the ‘alleged then debunked’ crime, especially if it is one which affects minorities, women or children.

I wish to be considered an activist. It is not necessary that I genuinely act in a way which might solve a social ill. My actions often involve yelling, sign-holding or occasionally vandalizing private property.

I was never able to attend a Vietnam War Protest, so I am prepared to protest all further wars. I am against war, and I’m sure the people we’re fighting are, too.

I want to be revolted by guns, soldiers and police, yet enjoy all the peace and justice that they help support. I will be against walls and borders, unless they encircle my community.
I will listen only to NPR, but will consider Fox News to be part of an echo chamber. I will believe in diversity, but not diversity of thought.

I want to be a liberal.

 

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52 Responses to I Want to Be a Liberal

  1. Paul Krendler says:

    Wouldn’t you be afraid of the concussions you would get from trying to walk through walls where you have decided a door should be?

    Liked by 5 people

  2. gmking222 says:

    Great post, Dave!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. onwyrdsdream says:

    You need a certain number of rules for cool stuff to happen. Rules are the control rods of the fission reactor of society. You pull them all the way out, what you get isn’t useful, but rather is something dangerous. You push them all the way in, you don’t get anything at all.

    And for some reason, the left is made up of both those who would push them all the way in, AND those who’d pull them all the way out. Socialists and anarchists. For any given issue, they tend to push in the direction least helpful to society. Their tendencies toward governance very much favors those positive feedback systems they warn us about regarding CO2.

    I suspect their programming has an accidental negation in the code somewhere. Or a battery is hooked up backwards.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. This Other Latin F*cker says:

    Bravo sir, bravo!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Anonymous says:

    That was awesome. Best post I’ve ever read here and they’re all good.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. alexb2448 says:

    Very well said, indeed.

    Like

  7. Dhusk says:

    That is the strawmaniest Strawman Argument I’ve heard in quite some time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bob says:

      And you will know me by the strawmen left in my wake…… You could have save a ton of time and just tweeted “Libs hypocrites! Cons RULE!’ It would have had about the same intellectual content.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Paul Krendler says:

        Bob, you could have drooled on your keyboard and accomplished the same. If all you can do is point and call names, you’re part of the problem.

        Do you have any constructive suggestions? Do you want to solve any of the issues facing America today? Or are you just another ignorant drive-by looking to feel big by making your enemies small?

        Liked by 4 people

  8. Uncle Sam says:

    You raise some good points. You also make broad generalizations that are pretty shaky. I am a liberal leaning indipendent (fuck democrats and rupublicans) and have been arguing with Hillary supporting democrats since this election began. I warned that dismissing your opponants followers as deplorable and idiots and bigots was a mistake and more likely to drive the wedge further between the American people and not where it belongs, between the American people and the “ruling elite” (here in ‘Murica we don’t call them nobility ’cause that ain’t ‘Murican).

    I am a firm believer in the second amendment. I am a firm believer in the first amendment. I make jokes about everyone. Can’t take it? Don’t listen. If you are hurt by words maybe you should stay in your safe space. If someone can hurt you with monkey noises you might want to re examine your ideas of self worth.

    But I also think that no one should eat cat food in their old age. I think that everyone deserves healthcare. The things that make healthcare unaffordable are drug companies and insurance companies and hospitals charging what the “market will bear” never considering that most Americans can’t afford “what the market will bear.”

    The amount that someone making fifty thousand dollars a year pays into welfare is about five dollars. The amount that they pay in taxes for corporate subsidies is about four hundred dollars. Meanwhile corporations merge and cut thousands of jobs and ship jobs overseas in the name of free trade and tell you to be happy with your new service job in the new global economy.

    Ever notice how a company replaces human workers with robots because it’s cheaper and more efficient? But the price of those products just goes up and up and up? Can anyone else afford to buy a new truck or a home without going massively into debt? While the super rich look down from their ivory towers and laugh at all of us scrabbling away in the mud. Who crashed the housing market? Who crashed the banking industry, destroying millions of people’s lives and homes and pensions and jobs?

    It sure as fuck wasn’t me.

    A liberal American

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sam, (and all the other folks who arrived here)
      Please don’t assume ANYBODY wants folks on cat food and dying from treatable illnesses from lack of money. Conservatives often default to a very strong argument: When has government actually ben really good at solving a problem or efficiently delivering a service? More casually, do you want healthcare to be like the DMV, post office or the VA? Take your pick.
      We can agree on a lot. Problem is, the kind of generalizing which I used here is a huge hallmark of leftist writing/thinking. As someone said, the right thinks the left is wrong. The left thinks the right is evil. It’s easier to be marked as a bigot, if you operate from the right. If you have leftist ideology, you can own a big house, jet and burn through fossil fuels like they’re never going to run out. I’m talking about DiCaprio, Gore and Obama.

      I’ll keep working on the issues here, and I hope some of you guys on the other side stick around. I need new writers, by the way.

      Hey, how did you find us?

      Liked by 2 people

      • Rizzo says:

        “When has government actually ben really good at solving a problem or efficiently delivering a service?”
        I love it when people say this because it displays their profound lack of historical knowledge.

        Last time I was at the DMV it took me about 15 minutes to get my license renewed and the Post Office delivers a piece of mail across the country in like 3 days for under half a buck. If you’ve ever actually had to deal with healthcare insurance you’d be willing to do just about anything to have them run as efficiently and quickly as the DMV or USPS.

        Like

      • LLC says:

        And here, Rizzo, the DMV takes an hour plus for a simple renewal. They’ve taken to allowing people to get a number online so you don’t have to sit in the DMV office and wait.

        The postal service can deliver mail in three days by bleeding money (http://dailysignal.com/2015/11/16/u-s-postal-service-announces-5-billion-dollar-loss/), and they /still/ manage to screw things up regularly. In the past five packages I’ve ordered that came USPS, two of them were late because they were sent to the wrong town. Not infrequently I end up with someone else’s mail in my mailbox.

        Like

      • And the VA has a suicide hotline that goes to voicemail 1/3 of the time.

        Liked by 1 person

      • crawford421 says:

        “the Post Office delivers a piece of mail across the country in like 3 days for under half a buck”

        Amazon, Fedex, and UPS get boxes of things to my door in a couple days, for about the same price.

        Like

      • And the only reason you have no competitor beating the USPS at delivering letters is because the USPS has a legal monopoly on delivering letters.

        Like

    • Gus Bailey says:

      Sam, thank you for raising a reasoned response.
      I’m not real sure who brought this post to Fark, but it’s served up some interesting results.
      If you read some of the more recent stuff, you’ll find a little chickenscratch of my own. I’d honestly like to ask this basic question of you; did mankind create the state, or did the state create mankind?

      Like

  9. Lou Jotu says:

    Who ordered the red herring sandwich?

    Like

  10. Pingback: “I Want to Be a Liberal” Is a Hit! | Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog

  11. Skwrl says:

    You are getting hilariously skewered on Fark. It’s glorious

    Like

  12. dukebooty says:

    I want to be a Republican.

    I want to believe that by abolishing the minimum wage, our economy would grow. If you ask me why, I’ll repeat what the guy on Fox news said last night, because I let other people do my thinking for me.
    I want to be able to fire the college dean or university president if he says he supports gays, lesbians and trans-people. Or fails to condemn with vigor something which someone else said who supports gays, lesbians and trans-people. What’s a bigot? Liberals are bigots. They are the racist ones.
    I want to be able to decide what kind of religious devotion is appropriate. Baptists are good. Muslims, Hindus, and hippie Unitarians. Not good. If your religious beliefs say you need to wear a head scarf, you can’t put it on. You must accept our culture, and leave behind your icky culture. Even though our culture turns a blind eye to police brutality against non-whites, if you suggest police are amoral you should be shot for treason, mkay?

    I want to decide that only two genders can exist. Man and Woman. Also my cultural background is superior. As long as I identify as white and Christian, that makes my actions right. In my heart, I am a red blooded American. My ancestors are all red blooded Americans.

    I want to be a Republican.

    I want to control other people’s bodies, totally. Their reproductive organs especially. What they do in the bedroom, what they do in the bathroom. I also want to control what things you are allowed to say from your mouth. Differing opinions offend me. You don’t “get to” call me a bigot. It Triggers me. Freedom of speech means I should be able to say anything I want without you being able to talk back to me. It says so in the Constitution. About three inches above the word “musket.”
    I wish to promote causes that have absolutely no bearing on reality. I want coal plants all over the place, even though it is dying industry and expensive to clean up, and inefficient. I want to drive big gas guzzling cars and I should be able to offroad them wherever I want.
    I want to cut off debate at precisely the moment that my side wins. Citizens United is the Law of the Land because the U.S. Supreme Court said so. And States Rights. You must confirm our Supreme Court picks but we get to deny you yours. Science doesn’t matter and the law is settled as soon as I say so.

    I want to be a Republican.

    I want to bravely be in favor of something on which almost every smart person disagrees. Creationism? Climate Hoax? You betcha. I want to be against sexual abuse of children when it’s those gay pedos, even though priests and pastors are 12000 times more likely to abuse kids. I’m pro clear-cutting of the entire rain forest, because that helps create jobs. If people want to slaughter elephants for tusks or lions for sport, that’s their freedom,
    I want to raise awareness about Jesus. I will work to support 10 commandments on public property, though I couldn’t tell you what half of them are. All who oppose me are agents of the Devil. Also Jesus is coming in my lifetime, for reals though, it will happen.
    I want to have a job that will last forever. The work I do is essential for the economy and it always will be. China is stealing our jobs, even though our CEO is the one sending jobs over there.
    I wish to prevent PC culture. The worst thing you can do to a person is treat them with respect. That guy in the flowered strapless dress with visible lingerie underneath is a homogayfag.

    I want to be a Republican.

    Hate motivates me. If any liberal has an opinion, I hate it no matter what. Hanging a noose during black history month, or tweeting death threats against public officials it’s ok, just a joke man, chill out. 
    Sometimes my fellow Republicans are accused of terrible crimes, but they are innocent because of the liberal media always lies. This is an excellent opportunity to point out that all liberals are liars. Even if my guy says he lied, he apologized so it’s ok. He’s forgiven.
    I wish to be considered a patriot. It is not necessary that I genuinely act in a way which might promote a love of country. My actions often involve yelling, sign-holding or occasionally vandalizing private property.
    I was able to get out of the Vietnam War, but war is good and everyone else should go. I am pro war, and I think nuking our enemies is a good idea.
    No background checks for guns at all. Police are never wrong when dealing with non-whites. They are always wrong when dealing aggressively with whites. I support walls and borders, unless they encircle my community.
    I will listen only to Drudge Report, Brietbart and Infowars, but will consider Fox News ok when that hot chick gets on and talks over whatever stupid liberal. I believe in conformity, but only to things I think.

    I want to be a Republican.

    Like

    • Gus Bailey says:

      Quick question DukeBooty, do you disavow your fellow travelers attacks on this original post? e.g. that Dave is raising strawmen?
      Or would you care to actually support several of your own arguments with more than just dross?

      Liked by 2 people

    • Duke. Some of those are on point.
      “I wish to prevent PC culture. The worst thing you can do to a person is treat them with respect. That guy in the flowered strapless dress with visible lingerie underneath is a homogayfag.

      I want to be a Republican.”

      Duke, please look around here for any other instances of “homo” “gay” or “fag.” You’re the first to use those terms here. I am a conservative. By the way, Republican is not the opposite of Liberal.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Gus Bailey says:

        Can we state that the guy in the flowered strapless dress with visible lingerie underneath is a fashion disaster?
        Asking for a friend.

        Dave, do you think Duke realizes that you self identify as an elderly black woman? Or that some of your core readers consider themselves among the Vivire challenged, or anti-free shipping, or corporeally challenged (two that I know of)?

        Liked by 3 people

      • crawford421 says:

        Lefties are generally the first to use those words, particularly as insults. Ask Gay Patriot about how lefties really feel about gays.

        Liked by 1 person

  13. todd turner says:

    Wow, that guy really stuck it to what he imagines Liberals to be. He absolutely devastated that strawman…..I want to be a republican, because sexually assaulting the women they’re trying to reach is OK………Wow, that IS fun!
    P.S……For more than 15 years now, since the election of Dubbya, the whole world has wondered how the republican party can embrace such blatant stupidity. Whether the issue is dimwitted dubbyas disastrous wars, the wonders of gun violence, Iran, restroom use, Cuba, Para Sailin, the birth certificate, the denial of science , claims than electric cars run on coal, imaginary death panels, claims that solar and wind power don’t work, that gays are evil… and the list goes on.. So what do you do to improve your standing and credibility? You double down on your own failed strategy by getting even more stupid and picking an ignorant orange talking fungus as your candidate. And here is Ryan and Priebus telling everyone to Hold their nose, take their medicine, and vote for someone they don’t truly support. You are like swine who happily and incredulously slurp up whatever swill your republican masters throw in your trough. Here suey suey suey! Thankfully you will be rendered into sausage, lard and gelatin after Hillary wins. Perhaps Trump has already built the wall. And it is in the minds of his followers. And it keeps out logic and discourse.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Gus Bailey says:

      “…logic and discourse.”

      Did you read the exchange of comments before popping in to add the same two cents as several others from Fark? Would you care to defend your own straw men?

      There’s a joke that runs with the locals here and at several other blogs that travel in similar circles. The joke is that if you haven’t defended/refuted/responded by some arbitrary time, then your position is surrendered.

      I won’t apply that standard to my inquiry, although it was first presented by a fellow traveler of yours. I will say that drive by derogatory comments say a great deal about the commenter.

      Liked by 2 people

    • “You are like swine who happily and incredulously slurp up whatever swill your republican masters throw in your trough. Here suey suey suey! Thankfully you will be rendered into sausage, lard and gelatin after Hillary wins.”

      We can’t tell what point you’re making. That Republican/conservatives will face a terrible fate when Hillary Clinton is elected and so we should… Hmm. If we’re trough bound, we should use our freedoms and speak out against thing with which we disagree? Because that’s what we do here.

      Oh, and electric cars run on electricity. It’s the power plant that runs on coal, or oil, or nuclear.

      Liked by 1 person

      • todd turner says:

        or wind, solar or hydro……Check out how much electricity it takes to refine oil……pesky facts are pesky. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnel still apparently backs Trump, he just doesn’t want to ever talk about him. After the release of an Access Hollywood tape on Oct. 7 with audio of Trump boasting he could get away with groping/sexual assaulting women because he’s a celebrity, McConnell issued a stinging denunciation calling Trump’s comments “repugnant and unacceptable in any circumstance” and calling for Trump to “apologize directly to women and girls everywhere.”
        No such apology was forthcoming, and since then McConnell has had nothing more to say about Trump. A few other GOP Senate candidates withdrew their endorsements of Trump over the tape and several other pants on head stupid statements, while others stuck with him. Still others wavered back and forth; Sen. Mike Crapo of Idaho became the latest Monday to announce he would be voting for Trump despite having previously declared he was withdrawing his endorsement. In other words “PLUG YOUR NOSE AND VOTE.”

        You’re still assuming that I support Trump. That I’m responsible or even feel like these politicians you mention are “on my side,” and vice versa. We can both find politicians – R and D who are poor examples. Look at the top of the tickets. — Dave

        Like

    • crawford421 says:

      “Thankfully you will be rendered into sausage, lard and gelatin after Hillary wins.”

      Fascists gotta fash…

      (And they wonder why we’re so big on the 2nd….)

      Liked by 2 people

  14. I want to be a Republican.

    I want to believe that by abolishing the minimum wage, our economy would grow. If you ask me why, I’ll repeat what the guy on Fox news said last night, because I let other people do my thinking for me. It’s not like I’ll believe everything the mainstream media feeds me even though Wikileaks has revealed information that they are totally biased and in the tank for the liberals\progressive movement.

    I want to be able to fire the college dean or university president if he says he supports gays, lesbians and trans-people. Or fails to condemn with vigor something which someone else said who supports gays, lesbians and trans-people. What’s a bigot? Liberals are bigots. They are the racist ones. I don’t want to show that there are disproportionately more incidents of SJW demanding discipline when they get their feelings hurt from someone who doesn’t share their opinion.

    I want to be able to decide what kind of religious devotion is appropriate. Baptists are good. Muslims, Hindus, and hippie Unitarians. Not good. If your religious beliefs say you need to wear a head scarf, you can’t put it on. You must accept our culture, and leave behind your icky culture. Even though our culture turns a blind eye to police brutality against non-whites, if you suggest police are amoral you should be shot for treason, mkay? I want to allow women to have to wear heads scarfs and burka, not because it states it in a religious book (it only states be modest) but because a patriarchy in that society has pushed this agenda to keep them submissive and dominated. I’ll ignore the women who are beaten or killed because they wouldn’t follow this forced fashion. I accept this culture where 70+% needs gays are evil, where gays are thrown off buildings; women are stoned for just being in a room with a single man; and where 60% want Sharia law which views woman as second class citizens. I want to ignore that there are legitimate cases of police brutality by both white and black officers but that a large number of these cases are blown out of proportion even before the facts are know. I know that activists like Al Sharpton had made millions off donations to help resolve these issues but never seem to want to engage to fix anything. I will ignore the fact that in Chicago, more deaths and injuries happen due to black on black violence in a weekend than through police brutality over several years. I will ignore the 4 year old child killed by a gang-banger and not rally for her because it won’t promote my narrative and the neighbor is too dangerous for me to go to anyway.

    I want to decide that only two genders can exist. Man and Woman. Also my cultural background is superior. As long as I identify as white and Christian, that makes my actions right. In my heart, I am a red blooded American. My ancestors are all red blooded Americans. I want to refute scientific fact, biology, and anatomy. Anything a White person, or person paler than their accuser, every says is raaaacist. If a Black man argues and disagrees with a liberal opinion, progressives are free to label him an Uncle Tom or Porch N***** . We can say that word to a black man even if we’re white in this case

    I want to be a Republican.

    I want to control other people’s bodies, totally. Their reproductive organs especially. What they do in the bedroom, what they do in the bathroom. I also want to control what things you are allowed to say from your mouth. Differing opinions offend me. You don’t “get to” call me a bigot. It Triggers me. Freedom of speech means I should be able to say anything I want without you being able to talk back to me. It says so in the Constitution. About three inches above the word “musket.” I believe their should be absolutely no restrictions on abortion. A baby one day away from being born can be ripped apart in the womb, it’s a womens right. Hell, Kermit Gosnell deleivered them alive and killed them anyway and I’m okay with that. Freedom of speech means the liberal social media can shadow ban me, or ban me outright if my opinion is contrary to theirs. Facebook can play with the trending topics to ensure conservative thoughst are not seen. Google can ensure that searches that would be embarrassing to the cause are hider to find.

    I wish to promote causes that have absolutely no bearing on reality. I want coal plants all over the place, even though it is dying industry and expensive to clean up, and inefficient. I want to drive big gas guzzling cars and I should be able to offload them wherever I want. I want to promote global warming, nope now its climate change, because I care about the environment. I have no guilt that all the money activist make results in more trees being cut down to print their millions. I’ll fly my Gulfstream around the world to give a 30 minute speech on reducing carbon emissions. I want to bankrupt an industry and destroy the lives of millions of workers because their energy isn’t as clean as I like. I will say nor do anything towards China whose pollution dwarfs the U.S. because they would tell me to go away or shoot me. I want to drive my electric cars the 100 mile range they have, to hell with anyone having to go farther. The toxic mess of making\disposing of the electric car batteries I will hide. I will continue to get a new iPhone;iPad;and IPod every too years but ignore the rare earth mineral devastation that goes into making them. To hell with the Chinese slave labor making them because Steve Jobs was a cool liberal.

    I want to cut off debate at precisely the moment that my side wins. Citizens United is the Law of the Land because the U.S. Supreme Court said so. And States Rights. You must confirm our Supreme Court picks but we get to deny you yours. Science doesn’t matter and the law is settled as soon as I say so. I want to re- open the Supreme Courts decision in Citizens United but Roe V Wade is untouchable because this only works for my side. You can’t deny liberal Supreme Court picks because that would be mean. Hi Judge Bork . (oops)

    I want to be a Republican.

    I want to bravely be in favor of something on which almost every smart person disagrees. Creationism? Climate Hoax? You betcha. I want to be against sexual abuse of children when it’s those gay pedos, even though priests and pastors are 12000 times more likely to abuse kids. I’m pro clear-cutting of the entire rain forest, because that helps create jobs. If people want to slaughter elephants for tusks or lions for sport, that’s their freedom, I want to believe in climate change although the science is still being contended and a University was recently exposed for taking millions to alter there data. It’s true because Al Gore said so. He also said New York would be underwater by now, but hey, he’s in the Gulfstream so he above ground anyway. I use arguments about priests and gays because I really don’t give a shit about the children when others believe no one should abuse them. It just gives me a stupid argument to use when I cant call you a raaaaacist.
    I believe that loggers are too stupid to realize they need to reforest areas they cut to ensure their continues success, except surprisingly they have been doing this for decades. I ignore that the clear cutting helps prevent raging wildfires that occur naturally from lightning strikes etc, or hippies going back to nature. I ignore that legalization of weed has meant illegal grow ops in the mountains are diverting so much water it is a major contributor to drought in some areas.
    I believe that animals should be allowed to roam at will, even in countries where you can legally hunt in order to keep the animal species number in check. better they all stave and endure a slow lingering death than a quick kill. Hell , we could have PETA rule the animal kingdom except for the nasty case of them killing 90,000 cats and dogs in their shelters and dumping them in trash bins at the mall.

    I want to raise awareness about Jesus. I will work to support 10 commandments on public property, though I couldn’t tell you what half of them are. All who oppose me are agents of the Devil. Also Jesus is coming in my lifetime, for reals though, it will happen. I believe the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s first rule is be an asshole to everyone else who has a faith. I refute the Wiccan creed that all bad things come back on you 3 times over. Anton LaVey was wrong in saying “do what you will as long as it hurts no others.” That 10 commandments of what ,basic civility, makes me feel icky. So lets denigrate it and remove it. I am allowed to mock a Christian faith all I want but no one can say anything about Islam. That’s a progressive rule or you’re a raaaacist (though Islam\Muslim isn’t a race) Anyway we pick on the Christians because the Muslims would kill us if we tried this shit with them.

    I want to have a job that will last forever. The work I do is essential for the economy and it always will be. China is stealing our jobs, even though our CEO is the one sending jobs over there. I like coming out of university and knowing my career will be a series of short term contracts with no job stability (if I can even find one). I don’t care about the trade indifference with China because they make my overpriced smartphone. The 1 in 5 families in the US who don’t have a person in the home with a job don’t matter to me. That CEO sending the jobs overseas runs Apple; Google;Facebook and all the cool companies that donate to the liberal candidate who don’t talk about the stupid stuff like trade matters or the economy. Open borders can’t affect us because adding millions of unskilled people into an economy with the worst GDP growth since WW2 ; with record unemployment; and record people who have just given up looking; won’t have any impact.

    I wish to prevent PC culture. The worst thing you can do to a person is treat them with respect. That guy in the flowered strapless dress with visible lingerie underneath is a homogayfag. I don’t believe in the Christian concept of love the sinner, hate the sin. People can’t disagree with my lifestyle choices no matter what they are. People are who they say they are. Bruce Jenner can call himself Caitlyn and transgender; but it’s been a year and he still didn’t lose L’il Brucie between the legs but even though he is technically a transvestite, we’ll let him say he’s transgender. If he\she\it wants to be a BDSM sheep next week, who am I to judge.

    I want to be a Republican.

    Hate motivates me. If any liberal has an opinion, I hate it no matter what. Hanging a noose during black history month, or tweeting death threats against public officials it’s ok, just a joke man, chill out. I believe that faking hate crimes gets media coverage. I think death threats against conservative women on social media is allowed, because conservative.

    Sometimes my fellow Republicans are accused of terrible crimes, but they are innocent because of the liberal media always lies. This is an excellent opportunity to point out that all liberals are liars. Even if my guy says he lied, he apologized so it’s OK. He’s forgiven. I always point out the crimes of Republicans because …evil. They’re guilty before evidence is in , hell even in cases when evidence says they are innocent, they’re still guilty. Evidence of corruption or sexual deviance by liberals… look a squirrel.

    Okay, Bill may have taken liberties with an impressionable intern while in the white house and then perjured himslef which resulted in loss of his license to practice law, but that’s all.
    Except for groping Kathleen Willey in the White house;
    and the time Elizabeth Ward told friends Bill forced himself on her (but she changed story when asked by press and said it was consensual – Guess she heard about how a lot the Clinton enemies had accidents;
    or the time he had Paula Jones briought to his room and exposed himself to him (does that count because he settled a civil suit and paid 850, 000.
    Wuld having a women come into your hotel room 1979 when you are wearing a shirt and teeling you to “suck it” be a bad thing?
    The seven complaints raised during his 1st term of govrernor from 1978-1980 don’t count either, right?
    Or that time he raped Juanita Broderick in 1978;
    maybe the groping of a female student at unversity or Arkansas in 1974;
    or the tiny little indescretion in 1972 when he was accused of rape at Yale.

    I wish to be considered a patriot. It is not necessary that I genuinely act in a way which might promote a love of country. My actions often involve yelling, sign-holding or occasionally vandalizing private property. I belong to a party that pays people to go the other parties rallies to commit violence and start fights because then the media can say Republicans are naturally violent. The business burned by BLM and the people assaulted deserved it, whatever party, race , creed or color they were.

    I was able to get out of the Vietnam War, but war is good and everyone else should go. I am pro war, and I think nuking our enemies is a good idea. My candidate is more hawkish than the Republicans candidate and has been involved in pushing more interventions, but that’s water under the bridge. She has experience. The other guy has never run guns out of a Libyan embassy to a rebel group that was actually ISIS.

    No background checks for guns at all. Police are never wrong when dealing with non-whites. They are always wrong when dealing aggressively with whites. I support walls and borders, unless they encircle my community. We need to close the gun show loophole about dealers not needing to do a background check at a gun show, but that already has legislation on the books saying they have to do background checks at gun shows. Sort of like double secret probation. .Open borders is a great idea but Mexico has tougher border controls than the US and we don’t say a word because then we would be raaaaacist. We don’t say anything against the Vatican which is surrounded by a huge wall either because we’re scare of the Pope’s pointy hat.

    I will listen only to Drudge Report, Brietbart and Infowars, but will consider Fox News ok when that hot chick gets on and talks over whatever stupid liberal. I believe in conformity, but only to things I think. I watch that cute guy Rachel Maddow and Chris “Tingle Up my leg” Matthews for their insightful commentary. George Stephanopopolousious is great at his unbiased, hard hitting questions of her old boss and bestest friend Hillary. I love watching Donna Brazille as a commentator when she is not do busy getting fired from Walter Mondale’s campaign for her unprofessional; conduct, or compromising any shred of journalistic integrity she every had giving Hillary interview questions. There are a hell of a lot more I love but I can just see them at John Podest’a dinner party that are off the books

    I want to be a Republican.but I’m a unemployed millennial still living in mom and dad’s basement, who doesn’t bother to look deeper than what narrative the MSM spoon feeds me; and can’t bother to actually look and compare the parties platform s.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Paul Krendler says:

    I just took another peek – they’re WAAAAAAAY off in the weeds now, vigorously refusing to understand how artificially increasing the cost of labor is a bad thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I believe McCarthy was wrong and Alger Hiss was not a Soviet spy. I believe the Russians rigged Hillary’s election defeat. Can I be a liberal, too?

    Like

  17. Pingback: Reminds Me of My Own ‘I Want to Be a Liberal’ | Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog

  18. Pingback: I Still Want to Be a Liberal | The Artisan Craft Blog — Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey

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