I know full well that the phrase “I am not a lawyer but…” has been followed up by some ridiculous things on the internet.
I can write this list as a non-lawyer newsman who has read John Hoge’s complaint, and find it to be excellent. If you follow these rules as they relate to people on the internet, you’ll be just fine. By the way, this advice won’t help those who are already being sued by John Hoge. No, you’re pretty much screwed.

Hoge and Hoge, Attorneys at Law
If You Plan to Write About John Hoge on the Internet (Advice Based Upon a Recent Lawsuit)
- Don’t rely on descriptions of events which you have not seen.
- Don’t trust anyone else for the details.
- If you do trust anyone else for the details on an event you have not attended, don’t rely on the word of a convicted perjurer who was a party to the event.
- Think twice before accusing Mr. Hoge in writing of subornation of perjury, or any other actual crime. Especially if the state has never actually made the accusation.
- Think very hard before involving friends and associates of his wife in your accusations. People know and like them. You can’t change that.
- If you accuse Mr. Hoge of harassing your minor child, have some tiny bit of evidence. Something. Anything.
- If you accuse Mr. Hoge and his friends of destroying your reputation, have one worth destroying.
- If you plan to accuse Mr. Hoge of destroying your reputation by calling you a “pedophile,” bring a scintilla of evidence that you aren’t one. Anything. Something.
- If you try to make life difficult for Mr. Hoge, try to imagine if he will accrue actual expenses, as these expenses might become your own.
- If you agree in writing not to publish any material from Hogewash!, abide by the
agreement. Lawyers have some sort of specific term for this, but totally f-ck myself over is the colloquial term.
- Remember that the internet is forever, but even more so since Hoge began a complete archive of what you write.
- An individual’s credibility is severely reduced in the eyes of the courts when a pattern of false accusations is demonstrated.
- Directed verdicts demonstrate false accusations, not nolle prossed charges.
- If you bruise easily, don’t try to wrestle over an iPad.
- I just threw that one in for fun. It’s got nothing to do with Hoge.
- No matter how many times you tell yourself that John Hoge is dumb or crazy, he just does not seem to be either. He could have filed his suit in two other languages if he’s wanted. One day he’ll declare victory in Klingon.
This whole post has earned The Thinking Man’s Zombie Seal of Approval (provided the site owner consents – if not, please remove it and accept apologies for my presumption)!
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We like seals here! Thanks.
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Then allow me to post a fat joke, cute animal meme and seal all at once:

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Nooooo!!! Dammit Kyle!

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Which complaint? Where is it readable?
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I don’t think it’s been on Hogewash! yet, but I’m sure it will be. The latest post indicates that John has delivered or served all of the rascals, though Bill might be still avoiding service. It will be out in the open soon, I’m sure.
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He may have finally been served. His Twitter account, as well as his websites, just vanished. Scrub a dub dub… too bad the archives exist.
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But if Bill Schmalfeldt’s websites have all vanished (SHOCKED FACE!) how will he ever prove that that John Hoge has violated their settlement agreement five times for every one time John can show Bill has done the same?
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1. Repeating the same thing in his court filings.
2. Repeating the same thing in his court filings.
3. Repeating the same thing in his court filings.
4. Repeating the same thing in his court filings.
5. Repeating the same thing in his court filings.
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OK. That made me laugh and almost drown because of a cup of milk.
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All lolsuits and no cash makes Bill an unhappy boy.
All lolsuits and no cash makes Bill an unhappy boy.
All lolsuits and no cash makes Bill an unhappy boy.
All lolsuits and no cash makes Bill an unhappy boy.
All lolsuits and no cash makes Bill an unhappy boy.
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