If You Plan to Write About John Hoge on the Internet

I know full well that the phrase “I am not a lawyer but…” has been followed up by some ridiculous things on the internet. 

I can write this list as a non-lawyer newsman who has read John Hoge’s complaint, and find it to be excellent.  If you follow these rules as they relate to people on the internet, you’ll be just fine.  By the way, this advice won’t help those who are already being sued by John Hoge.  No, you’re pretty much screwed.

Hoge and Hoge, Attorneys at Law

If You Plan to Write About John Hoge on the Internet (Advice Based Upon a Recent Lawsuit)

• Don’t rely on descriptions of events which you have not seen.
• Don’t trust anyone else for the details.
• If you do trust anyone else for the details on an event you have not attended, don’t rely on the word of a convicted perjurer who was a party to the event.
• Think twice before accusing Mr. Hoge in writing of subornation of perjury, or any other actual crime.  Especially if the state has never actually made the accusation.
• Think very hard before involving friends and associates of his wife in your accusations.  People know and like them.  You can’t change that.
• If you accuse Mr. Hoge of harassing your minor child, have some tiny bit of evidence.  Something.  Anything.
• If you accuse Mr. Hoge and his friends of destroying your reputation, have one worth destroying.
• If you plan to accuse Mr. Hoge of destroying your reputation by calling you a “pedophile,” bring a scintilla of evidence that you aren’t one.  Anything.  Something.
• If you try to make life difficult for Mr. Hoge, try to imagine if he will accrue actual expenses, as these expenses might become your own.
• If you agree in writing not to publish any material from Hogewash!, abide by the agreement.  Lawyers have some sort of specific term for this, but totally f-ck myself over  is the colloquial term.
• Remember that the internet is forever, but even more so since Hoge began a complete archive of what you write.
• An individual’s credibility is severely reduced in the eyes of the courts when a pattern of false accusations is demonstrated.
• Directed verdicts demonstrate false accusations, not nolle prossed charges.
• If you bruise easily, don’t try to wrestle over an iPad.
• I just threw that one in for fun. It’s got nothing to do with Hoge.
• No matter how many times you tell yourself that John Hoge is dumb or crazy, he just does not seem to be either.  He could have filed his suit in two other languages if he’s wanted.  One day he’ll declare victory in Klingon.