Thursday and Friday were important days. Part two of my heart surgery — or as my cardiologist calls it, ‘a new boat’ — went well. I’ve learned a few things:
- You can do just fine with 95% heart blockage as long as you are consistently lazy. Which is how you end up with that much blockage.
- If someone offers you a “Foley,” turn it down.
- Staying in bed all day isn’t fun if it is not optional.
- I’m not 20 anymore.
- Nurses will nickname you based upon where your surgery took place. For a full day I was a “groin patient.”
- Never turn down Valium or breath mints.
- If you take off the computer operated blood pressure cuff, it will automatically inflate — then go “poof” as all the air escapes.
- Nobody actually comes running when you disconnect your EKG to go to the bathroom.
- No mater how hard you look for them, at least one EKG sticker will be stuck to you when you get home.
- Every operation is minor surgery to the people who are not actually being operated on.
- By the time you need heart work, half of all nurses appear to be twelve years old.
I’m doing fine. I should be able to return to a regular schedule on Monday, although my doctor wants me to sit less and exercise more. Jerk.