Stop Using My Name Without Permission – A Guest Post by Lester Klemper

We don’t usually do guest posts here, but in light of the fact that someone has tried to pretend they are WJJ Hoge, we need to treat this seriously.  Another regular here has noticed some odd activity on the internet, and has asked for your attention.

Dear Dave Alexander & Company readers,

Lately my name has turned up in public forums even though I am a private person and keep a low profile.  For example, in the online edition of the New York Times, there appeared a quote attributed to Lester Klemper.

The Gay Pride Parade was well attended, according to resident Lester Klemper.  “I have not seen so many homosexuals in one place since the Deviled Angel’s Biker gang rode through a few weeks ago on their Hondas,” scoffed Klemper, of 1232 Nunnery Court, Room 8, as he looked out his window facing the air conditioning units in the front parking lot.

I assure you, and the members of the biker gang, I said no such thing.

Other odd occurrences have occurred as well.  Rock 92 changed their positioning statements for three hours last Saturday until I asked them to stop.

Les Klemper.png

I have received unwanted items in the mail, including a subscription to Boy’s Life Magazine.  Whoever did this is on the hook for the 11 issues (first month free! Sweet!) and the July “Swimming Trunks” issue, which is a double issue.

I have been signed up for gay porn websites, most of which I have no interest in, and have never even heard of.  Someone has been recording rambling, incoherent and blasphemous podcasts using my name and voice.  OK.  That was me.

I shall find out who doeth these things, and I shalt smite thee with all my strength. Oh, yes.  My loins are girded for battle.  My loins come pre-girded for the battles to come.

What kind of a person would use another’s name on third-party websites to hurt someone’s reputation?  That person would have to be the lowest form of troll.  Not content being an idiot in his own name, this character is trying to be an idiot in another man’s name?

Finally, a word about using my name on your websites.  Yes, you are allowed to write my name, provided it is not in the title of a commercial website.  The subtitle is not acceptable either, nor is my name to be used in a caption or graphic without permission.  My name and likeness are copyrighted and trademarked, as are all the things I have ever said or will.

If your site is non-commercial, you may publish facts about me, provided you don’t allow commentary which is speculative or spurious.  Really.  I thought everybody knew this.

Thanks for your time, and have a great day,

WJJ Hoge

Lester Klemper




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6 Responses to Stop Using My Name Without Permission – A Guest Post by Lester Klemper

  1. Techno Jinxx says:

    I LOL’ed

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Paul Krendler says:

    As did I. I love a good pre-girded loin, medium rare. I have a great marinade recipe.

    Oh, and fuck you, Schmalfeldt.

    Liked by 7 people

  3. Neal N. Bob says:

    I hope you’ve already registered the copyright on this piece, Dave. There are thieves about.

    Liked by 7 people

  4. wjjhoge says:

    Nice piece of work. I may authorize its use for evening meditations next month.

    Liked by 9 people

  5. JeffM says:

    Lester, Lester.

    It is ALWAYS better to be an idiot in someone else’s name than your own. If you are an idiot in your own name, some might infer (or even impute) that you are an idiot.

    What is bad is to try but fail to hide behind someone else’s name when being an idiot. Some uncharitable folk will then conclude that you are both an idiot and an inept liar, which is really double jeopardy because who can reasonably expect an idiot to lie eptly.

    Liked by 1 person

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