Things I Know Because I Saw Them in a Movie


You can outrun an exploding ball of fire.  This is possible because fire moves in slow motion.  In the final moment before the flames reach you, remember to throw your arms upward and jump onto your belly.  This will put you the correct distance from the flames.  Watch for the small pieces of debris which will fall harmlessly to the left or right of you.

Doctors, lawyers and police are encouraged to discuss intimate details of their cases while walking down a crowded hallway.

The only way to win a dance contest is to merge classical dance training with street dancing.  Plus, you gotta “put it all out there.”  Failure to  “put it all out there” results in second place.

All minority students really need is a well intentioned white teacher to believe in him/her.

Most sporting events feature a contest between a physically superior, but morally inferior opponent and physically inferior but highly motivated opponent.  Root for the good guy(s).

Science can allow animals and insects to pass on useful traits to humans such as the ability to climb walls or fly.  They rarely pass on other, less desirable traits like dung eating or butt sniffing.

In comic book character’s back stories, if an individual has an unusual name or personal characteristic, they will eventually end up with a superpower based upon their name.  Johnny Blaze catches fire in Ghost Rider.  Doc Ock ends up with eight limbs like an octopus.  Luckily, former Congressman Anthony weiner has never fallen into a vat of nuclear relish.

In places where martial arts are practiced, there are never any guns handy.

If you try harder, you will win.  Unless you are trying too hard.  In which case, you just have to stop trying so hard.

Help will arrive in the nick of time.  If help arrives early, it would just have to wait anyway.

Bad guys are terrible shots. 

Police are allowed to quit their jobs by simply placing their weapon and badge on a lieutenant’s desk.  Other people have to fill out paperwork.

Two thirds of all police lieutenants are getting too old for this s%&#*T.

The first person who you suspect is the criminal is actually not.  Except in real-life cases.  I knew that Scott Peterson guy was guilty.

No matter how many people on your side die in a battle, it’s okay to scream like a happy idiot when you win.

Bullet wounds to the arm or leg are never life threatening.  Most stop bleading after a minute or two, and you won’t even have to limp for more than a couple of minutes.

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